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ohjvg:
Timeless lesson on how consultants can make a
difference for an
organization...

Last week, we took some friends out to a new
restaurant, and noticed
that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in
his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought
our water and
utensils, I noticed
he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked
around saw that
all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked,
"Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired a
consulting firm
to revamp all our processes. After several months of
analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently
dropped utensil. It
represents drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons
per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce
the number of trips
back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was
able to replace it
with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go
to the kitchen
instead of
making an extra trip to get it right now." I was
impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of
the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the
same string
hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I
asked the waiter,
"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that
string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not
everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found
out that we can
save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the
tip of you know
what, we can pull it out without touching it and
eliminate the need to
wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the
restroom by 76.39
percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"   
"Well," he
whispered,
"I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.

ohjvg:
Got that from a friend, made me think and made me laugh, that one.. it
is sooo true - everyone who isn´t a native English speaker - this are
some of the tricky parts of the language

Pursue at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English
language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail



18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France (surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that
you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and
ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an
odd, or an end?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo
by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a
fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

ohjvg:
After a two-year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on Corporate America's recreational preferences.



1. The sport of choice for male unemployed or incarcerated people is BASKETBALL


2. The sport of choice for male maintenance level employees is BOWLING


3. The sport of choice for male front-line workers is FOOTBALL


4. The sport of choice for male supervisors is BASEBALL


5. The sport of choice for male middle management is TENNIS


6. The sport of choice for male corporate officers is GOLF.



Conclusion:
The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become!


ohjvg:
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating for over a year, and we decided to get married. There was
only one little  thing bothering me her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight
miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down
when she was near me, and I always got a view of her private parts. It had
to be
deliberate. Never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day the little sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't
overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I
got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in
total shock, couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs
to my bedroom, if you want one last wild fling, just come up and
get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
The stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a
beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight
towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all
clapping!  With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We
are
very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for
better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!"
And the moral of this story is :

Always keep your condoms in your car ........

ApoN:
Vaikka ei olisi koiraihmisiä, tälle on pakko nauraa.... 

http://www.killsometime.com/Video/Files-1952196/Funny-Dogs.wmv

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