Kerro vitsi

<< < (973/1232) > >>

Liikennekeskustelu siirretty omaan ketjuunsa. Hattua täytyy kuitenkin nostaa offtopiciksi muuttamisen jalolle taidolle. Yhdellä viestillä koko vitsiketju onnistui kääntymään ihan muualle


Liikennekeskustelu siirretty omaan ketjuunsa. Hattua täytyy kuitenkin nostaa offtopiciksi muuttamisen jalolle taidolle. Yhdellä viestillä koko vitsiketju onnistui kääntymään ihan muualle

Selkänsä vähäksi aikaa kääntää niin 

Taidokas suoritus tosiaan. Toisin päin oliskin mennyt paaaaaaljon helpommin.......

Viimeisimmän valtakunnalisen seksitutkimuksen mukaan suomalaisten
avioparien ehdottomasti suosituin seksiasento on koira-asento: Mies
istuu ja kerjää. Vaimo kääntyy kyljelleen ja leikkii kuollutta.


pistipä taas vähän hymyilyttämään

An Operating System’s Way of Running Airlines PART ONE

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do what with the seat?”

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.


OSX Air:

You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says “Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture”, at which point a camera in the wall you didn’t notice before takes your picture. “Thank you, here is your ticket” You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say to yourself “wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was missing”

Windows Vista Airlines:

You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are “sure” you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked “Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?” you instinctively say “Allow”.

After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn’t updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.


Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on…

[left][/left] Aviomies istuu kotona ja katsoo urheilua, kun vaimo kysyy.
  voisitko korjata hallin lampun ,mies katsoo häntä vähän vinoon ja sanoo:
  Näytänkös minä sähkömieheltä
  Jääkaapin ovikin on rikki: vai niin sanoo mies näytänkö koneen korjaajalta.
  No voisitko edes yrittää korjata rappuset: Ei nyt se on niin että ei tuossa otsassa lue
  K-rauta. Nyt riittää minä menen pubiin. Hän menee pubiin ja tuntien päästä alkaa
  omatunto kolkuttamaan. Lähdenpä tästä vaimon luo ja korjaan ne rikkonaiset
  vehkeet. No hän menee kotiin ja huomaa että raput ovat korjattu eteisen valo palaa
  jääkaapin ovikin on ehjä. Rakas kuinkas tämä on tapahtunut? 
 Kun olit lähtenyt meni naapuri ohitse ja kysyi mikä minulla oli. Sanoin kuinka asiat ovat
  ja hän lupasi auttaa remontissa jos olisin seksi yhteydessä hänen kanssaan tai leipoisin kakun.
  No minkälaisen kakun leivoit kysyi mies. ?

  Luuletko sinä että olen leipuri sanoi vaimo punaposkisena ja hymyillen.-


Up one level

Next page

Previous page